AUGUST 2020 POSTS

One of the simple joys in my life is texting my wife (during breaks, of course) while we are both at work. Love that girl!

Score! Found a brand new, never been worn smock on the smock rack at work today. And I like to say the word "smock". Smock, smock, smock. My life is now complete. And it feels like it should be craft time in grade school.

My Tangerine Mango sparkling water beverage was an exceptional vintage today. Not clear when it was bottled, but the use by date was 12/20.

Set my cruise control because the troopers were out in force on the strip of freeway on my way to work. Easily passed a car that was going 5 MPH slower than me, then pulled over into the lane in front of him. He slowly crept up, then passed me, then pulled over in front of me. No big deal, except that he slowed down. I pulled out and went around him. I passed an additional car, then pulled over into that lane. Saw the same guy creeping up, and he passed me again, then slowed down again, forcing me to pull out and around him again. This time I traveled a mile or two in the other lane before I pulled over. Again, he crept up and passed me, but this time he waved at me with his middle finger as he passed and then slowed down. This entire time I NEVER DISENGAGED THE CRUISE CONTROL. And I was the one who got flipped off?

Was trying out my new utility knife at work. Several people were around, so I brandished it and sang,

"The Jets are gonna have their day

Tonight. The Sharks are gonna have their way

Tonight"

Crickets.

Either the reference was lost on them....or they are not big Leonard Bernstein fans.

It was both hilarious and adorable, if I do say so myself.

Now THAT is how we do shopping boys and girls! Needed a utility knife and nothing else. Went into the store and made a beeline for the tool aisle. Didn't look to my right or to my left. I was in the zone!

Found the perfect knife and made my exit. It was quite a score - only costing $85.00 which included 3 bags of groceries.

I don't think I would like to travel back in time for fear that I would meet know-it-all younger Dave. We would probably get into a fist fight.

Who would win? Younger Dave would be quicker and stronger, older Dave would be able to take a hit and wouldn't be above feigning a heart attack then sucker-punching that idealistic punk.

On an unrelated note, eating watermelon on the commute to work wasn't as great an idea as it originally sounded. Eating healthy is hard. Potato chips don't leave seeds down the side of your car.

Just when I think I'm acquiring a refined taste palate, crackers and a can of that weird spray cheese calls my name. Yes, I am a redneck. Yes, I enjoy jerky, too. I yam what I yam.

Walked into our kitchen after spending a couple of days with family at the company cabins.

I went to throw some garbage away and saw that we were out of garbage bags.

In walks Coby: "Hey, we're out of garbage bags"

I text my wife who is out running errands: "Need to go to the store. Anything you want for lunches?"

She tells me a few items she wants and: "Can you pick up some garbage bags? We're out".

Did in fact go to the store and return with some grocery items.

Would anyone care to extrapolate from this data where I'm going and what I'm doing now?

Is matching shampoo, body wash, deodorant, etc...scents a thing? Because I just go into the store and buy whatever strikes my olfactory funny bone. When I step out of the shower I smell like the creation of a first-grader who showed up to class and the teacher announced that they would be making their very own potpourri. Coconut-spice-lavender-sport-vanilla-sandlewood-pepper-mango chutney surprise. At least I shower.

So....I now have an AARP card. WHEN DID I GET OLD? I swear it seems like I just graduated high school a couple of years ago. I feel my pant waist climbing towards my chest as we speak. The velcro on my shoes is pretty convenient though. And what is this uncontrollable urge to say "dadgum" and "whipper-snapper"?

Julie: "What are you making?"

Me: (agonizing split second of inner turmoil) "A quesadilla"

(Pause)

Me: "You know it causes me physical pain to give a straight answer, right?"

Julie: "Uh, huh" with a raised eyebrow that seemed to mean, "Welcome to the world of adults".

Bought some Hanes face masks for work. The material is suspiciously similar to the "tighty-whities" I used to wear.