It amazes me the amount of fan letters I have been getting ever since this blog has been up and running. When people find out that I actually manage a bakery, naturally they have questions and I try to assist them in any way possible. Since many of you have the same questions, I have decided to post a few of the letters with my response so that everyone can be informed.
A fan writes:
Dear Bakery Manager Dave,
I bought several fruitcakes for the yearly Christmas party that I host. In the package, the fruitcake looked so nice and moist with the brightly colored pieces of fruit. I served it with eggnog. You can imagine how disappointed I was when only one person tried the fruitcake. Oddly enough, the person had to leave immediately after taking a bite. Probably some sort of family emergency, I'm thinking. Now I have five fruitcake that I have no idea what I'm going to do with. They each cost about $10.00, so that last thing I want to do is just throw them out. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Tutti Frutti, Oh Rudy!
I write:
Dearest Tutti,
You idiot! You don't buy fruitcake! You go to your grandma's house and take the one that she's had in her fridge for 10 years! Fruitcakes don't spoil...EVER! One uses fruitcake only to get rid of unwanted guests who overstay their welcome...and only then when you've tried everything, and I mean EVERYTHING else to get rid of them. As for suggestions of what to do with your $50.00 worth of leftover fruitcake, let me just warn you. If you even THINK of sending one as a gift next year, I will hunt you down and force feed it back to you one bite at a time. You have been warned!
Cheers!
Another fan writes:
Yo, Dave!
I drive a 2012 Volkswagen Jetta. Today I was forced to miss my exit by some uppity driver in his '92 Buick Roadmaster Station Wagon. He was in the far right lane, the lane some people call the "exit lane", I was in the far left lane, some people call the "through traffic" lane. I decided that I wanted to get off on the next exit, so at the last second, I darted across four lanes of traffic narrowly missing two cars, a bus, and a semi truck. This time I avoided causing a 15 car pile up, but just barely. And after all that effort on my part, the station wagon driver wouldn't let me force my way to the exit. He actually blocked my path! Can you believe that?
Signed,
Jilted Jetta
My response:
Dear Jilted,
Oh, I believe you. You should have seen how big your eyes got when I actually sped up to block you! It was awesome!
Well, two letters will do for today. This bakery manager has got to get up early for the doughnuts tomorrow!
As always, "You ask, I answer".
No comments:
Post a Comment