We were both sitting on a very cold log that we had cleared a foot of powdery snow off of only moments before. Our dates were with other couples standing around a fire trying to stay warm. Troy's date was his fiance. Mine was the roommate of the fiance -- or in other words my "blind date".
Perhaps by the title of this story, one might assume that this is about my blind date. The truth is, I couldn't pick her out of a line-up if a gun was held to my head. And I don't remember where she was from...or her name. We'll call her "Cindy" for the purpose of this story.
No, this story is about the circumstances surrounding the "blind date".
Troy and I were fuming because we had spent $25.00 each on a hay ride, steak dinner, and outdoor dance. And $25.00 was a huge price for broke college students.
Several weeks before, Troy had convinced me to invest in this particular activity.
"I'll set up everything" Troy said. "You give me the $25.00, I'll buy the tickets and find you a date. You'll drive, but I'll pay for the gas."
Since I was currently on a cold streak for dating, this sounded like a pretty good idea.
The day started out on an ominous note. I woke up to about a foot of snow on the ground. Had I been any smarter, I would have questioned the wisdom of driving into the mountains with a front-wheel drive Dodge Colt, but I was young and dumb. And I had spent my life savings for a hay ride/steak dinner/dance. I was going to get steak or die trying.
The mountain range that we were going to was outside of Rexburg, ID (where we were attending college) and near the border of Wyoming. People in that region were used to the snow, so the highway was freshly plowed and graveled. The Dodge Colt had little trouble navigating the roads, so any fears of traveling in snow melted away.
Arriving at the location, we were met by other couples who were dressed in cold weather attire, clearly excited about a hay ride, steak dinner, and dance. Since we were several minutes early, we weren't terribly worried that there was no one there to greet us.
15 minutes passed and we had already introduced ourselves to the other couples. We knew that everyone was present because the tickets were explicite that only 50 people could attend the event, "First come, first served". A quick head-count confirmed that we were all there.
"I wonder were they are?" I asked Troy for the 15th time.
"I don't know, but the tickets said 7:00 PM. It's 7:20 PM now" he said.
Another couple that we had just met was standing beside us.
"Don't worry" the guy said, "I know the people putting this on. They usually run a bit late".
That should have been the second ominous note of the day, but true to his word, "the people" drove up with a flat-bed truck with hay bales arranged on the bed. I couldn't help but notice that the bed of the truck seemed pretty small for 50 people. Perhaps we can label that ominous note number three.
The explanation for the size of the truck was soon was explained by one of the "wranglers".
"Ladies and gents" called out the "wrangler" from the bed of the truck, "normally, we use a team of draft hosses and a hay wagon to make this here trip -- but we've had a little mishap. Well, one of our hosses done died, so we'll have to make due (Ominous #4 if you're counting). You might have noticed that this here truck is a little under sized, so we'll make two trips. I guarantee you'll still get your moneys' worth of eatin and cuddlin" he said with what he must have considered a "drawl".
"Well, it's not horses, but it will still be fun" said the unflappable Troy. He and fiance were looking at each other all dreamy-eyed -- my date was looking at the "wrangler" all dreamy-eyed, so I could see that the writing on the wall there (Ominous #5).
We were assigned to the second group, so we stood watching the others load onto the bed of the truck. When everyone had settled on a hay bale, the driver jumped into the cab and started the truck --- or tried to start the truck I should say (Ominous #6). Time after time the driver tried to start the truck with no luck.Finally with a sad "wah, waaaah" it died completely.
"OK, pardners" said the wrangler, "change of plans. This here truck isn't, uh I mean ain't starting, so we'll have to improvise. Let's mount up into our own vehicles and we'll drive to the clearing that we've prepared for a steak dinner and romantic dance in the snow. Y'all are going to love it!" (Ominous #7)
My date looked as though the "wrangler" could have cancelled Christmas and she would still have loved it. (Ominous #8)
I looked over at Troy who couldn't hide the disappointment in his face.
"Man" he said. "we were looking forward to that hay ride".
"There's still a steak dinner to look forward to" I said.
"And a romantic dance in the snow" he replied. I had already guessed that this particular evening activity wasn't going to go well for me, so I just nodded.
We all returned to our vehicles and "mounted up". As luck would have it, we were the first car in line to follow the "wranglers" huge monster pickup.
Stepping down from his behemoth vehicle, the "wrangler" sauntered (I could almost hear my date swoon) back to my car and made the universal signal to roll down my window.
"OK, pardner" he said. "Y'all jist foller me and y'all will be jist fine, even if yore buggy ain't fit for the snow."
We drove down the highway for a mile or so, then turned onto a road that led up a fairly steep hill. This road hadn't been plowed in several hours and had several inches of powder in it.
Coming to a stop at the bottom of the hill, the "wrangle" again stepped down from his truck and sauntered (sigh) back to my "buggy".
"OK, pardner" said he, "yore gonna want to watch me navigate this here hill. Now, git a little run at it because you don't want to stop 'till you git to the very top. Jist foller me and do what I do" (Ominous num...OK, you get the drift we'll just stop that now).
.
Mounting his vehicle, the "wrangler" made a run at the hill. I followed as close as I felt safe and the little Dodge Colt with studded tires felt pretty steady. I was determined to do as the "wrangler" had said and "foller him and do what he did".
And that's when he took a hairpin turn too fast and ran off the road.
"Don't stop!" yelled Troy. "We'll get stuck too!"
I took a quick look at the truck as we motored by. He had sunk into the snow up to his axels, and he wasn't going anywhere.
I watched in the rear view mirror as all the other cars chose to follow our example and keep momentum going. No one stopped to help the "wrangler".
Several minutes later we crested the hill and found a large area for parking and a bonfire. My Spidey senses were tingling so I chose to park as close to the road as possible for a quick get-away.
Another "wrangler" was attending the fire. He looked surprised that we were all there.
"Uh, why are you all here?" he asked. "I wasn't expecting you for an hour or so."
Since I was the first to dismount my "buggy" I became the spokesperson.
"I guess there was a problem with one of the horses, and the flatbed truck wouldn't start, so we came straight here. Oh, by the way, your other guy is stuck in the snow about a mile or so back." I said.
A look of exasperation crossed the other "wranglers" face.
"Dang it! Delbert and his truck" he said." I guess I need to go dig him out."
Delbert?
Hopping into his truck the other "wrangler" headed off down the hill.
For about an hour all of us couples stood by the fire waiting for the "wranglers" to show up.
Finally, one truck came back with both "wranglers"....and it wasn't the monster truck.
"Well, pardners, I guess I got her stuck good!" He was covered in snow and mud, so they most have made a pretty good effort to get the truck unstuck. "But don't y'all worry! Steak and dancing are still on the way."
By now my stomach was rumbling. I was hungry enough to eat one of the steaks raw.
And this takes us back to the start of the story with me and Troy sitting on the cold log -- the other couples trying to keep warm by the fire.
The "wrangler" sauntered (sigh) up to us.
"You parders ready for some eatin' and cuddlin?" he asked with a wink before heading over to the makeshift kitchen area.
"If that guy calls me 'pardner' one more time I'm going to punch him in the throat" Troy said. "And did he just wink at me?"
All I could think about was the steak. I hadn't eaten since that morning.
"At least there's steak" I said.
"I don't think so" said Troy pointing. "In three, two, one...."
I followed his gaze as he stared up into the trees. The bonfire had been built in a clear area on the ground, but was positioned below a massive tree branch with fresh powder stacked a foot high. The heat from the fire had been melting the snow and as Troy finished his countdown, the snow cascaded down -- right onto the fire. Smoke billowed up from the fire as the snow melted and smothered the fire. My date had been standing next to the fire and was now covered in snow. I didn't feel sorry for her.
And, so much for the steak.
Trying to salvage the night, the second "wrangler" stepped out of the kitchen area.
"Say, there pardners" he said. He must have been taking drawl lessons, too. "Why don't we fire up the music and you, I mean y'all can dance and cuddle while we build another fire and get some food a'goin?"
"Uh, that's a no-can-do" said the other "wrangler". "The sound system is back in my truck".
And then Troy started to giggle.
My date and his fiance along with the rest of the company were snow covered and shivering, the fire was out with no way to cook a steak, the sound system was still aboard the abandoned monster truck stuck in the snow, and on top of that -- we didn't get our promised hay ride. And to top it off, the tickets were boldly printed with the words: NO REFUND!
And Troy was sitting on the log giggling away.
I couldn't help myself. I started to giggle, too. The entire company stared with amazement as two grown men sat on a cold log and abandoned themselves to laughter. Occasionally we would catch our breath and appear to control our laughter, but only to lose it again time and time again. It seemed an eternity before we stopped laughing.
Our outburst seemed to seal the deal that the night had indeed come to an end.
Mounting up in my "buggy", Troy couldn't help but leave a parting comment.
"Thanks for nothing....Delbert!" he called out.
No comments:
Post a Comment