"What?" I had no idea what she was talking about. I had just come off the stage between scenes on opening night of "Fiddler on the Roof." As the main character, Tevye, I spent more than 80% of the play on stage.
"A draft. Are you feeling a draft?" she asks again.
"No" I say "I'm sweating to death out there."
And then it dawned on me. Before the last scene I had a costume change. I look down and see that the zipper on my pants is wide open. I had just performed an entire scene with my fly down. And I had thought the audience was laughing at my witty performance.
"Ohhhhh" I moan as I zip up my pants. "You've got to be kidding me!"
But that is live theater for you. Things can and do go wrong and you have to deal with it.
So....here are the top ten performing moments that have happened in my 30 plus years of performing.
10) Despite tripping and falling on my way to the stage, I won a talent contest when I was six. I sang Three Dog Night's, "Joy to the World" (Jeremiah was a Bullfrog). My mom played the piano. I wonder if mom listened to the words? Did she really let me sing the lyrics "....but I helped him drink his wine" or "...and make sweet love to you?" (Those of you who know my mom will understand).
9) Getting the giggles on stage during the high school production of "Dracula Baby". Dracula accidentally burped in my face during a dramatic scene and I couldn't stop laughing. You know when you start giggling in church and you can't stop? This is worse!
8) Splitting the crotch of my pants doing Russian squat kicks during my high school production of "Fiddler on the Roof." (I was in this show twice. Once in high school, once in college.)
7) During a fight scene for "Scarlett Pimpernel", the actor I was "fighting" accidentally full on punched me in the nose. I won't lie. Made my eyes water a little.
6) In "Arms and the Man" the set crew gave me rancid grapes that I had to eat on stage. I won't confirm or deny that there may have been elevated levels of alcohol in the grapes.
5) While directing "Annie" for an all-children cast, one of the lead characters got flustered and ran off the stage crying. I had to run down two very long flights of stairs from the light booth to backstage to find the kid and calm her down and get her back on stage. Fortunately, the audience thought that it was part of the scene, so we included it in the following performances.
4) In "Oliver" I severely sprained my ankle walking off stage. Fortunately, there was a basketball game next door and the head basketball coach came over and taped my ankle. One of the cast members ran to the prop room and found a cane. The audience never knew something went amiss.
3) A fly flew in my mouth when I was singing the solo, "Thus Saith the Lord" from Handel's Messiah. There were 5000 audience members and it was broadcast via radio. I swallowed and went on....
2) In "Big River" I was in the first couple of scenes -- then I die spectacularly. The show is more than two hours long. While waiting backstage in the green room, I fell asleep and missed curtain call. Twice.
And.....
1) My high school teacher only gave me one kissing scene...and it just happened to be with a girl that my brother was dating.
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